Uh-huh, can't stop writing.  I've grown to love HTML.  Because am supposed to be doing something else right now.  Am starting to treat this like a canvas, am not entirely a painter behind it, but I like to generate my stories based from what I've conceived on the day.  So this conception?  Well, I was driving a lot yesterday, because that's my responsibility at church, am okay with tiresome, because I've been beaten so much with this activity where I just accepted the pain.  Before, I would probably lose my cool, and hope even, but now, am like:  So be it.  This is actually an issue that's crucial, because sometimes, I do share my struggles with people, and it was my sister who said that life is a disadvantage.  Sometimes, I rebel from that truth, because her accounting job is not the most exciting thing ever.  But I make sure that am not numb in life, and that I wanna be healthy, and not be unhappy.  A lot of stuff I deal with requires creativity, because I've grown to realize that it's really hard with some of these stuff, because am dealing with life insurance, English (writing), computer coding, real estate, I mean, anything my hand can touch, and my goodness, A Whole New World, you know?

I posted this on Facebook, and am like, How does money work nowadays?  I understand food, clothing, and oil are the top sellers.  Because I look at China town, and it breathes with food and clothing.  But I think it's dumbfounding to just deal with food and clothing, I mean, if I find the business in these areas, I'd like to engage on it for sure.  I know a little bit about it, because someone did explain it to me with the relation of brand name attires like Tommy Hilfiger, Hugo Boss, and am probably influenced with that truth the man explained it to me.  But yeah, I think it's just important to sell, and to make money.  It's dumbfounding right now, because I really have to make money.  I have found that there's a lot of movements out there, this new business concept Americans have invented is very luring to me, and my goodness, I wanna be a business man behind it.

With this world recession, I've grown to notice that the financial world has changed.  I think making money is not found in company work anymore, I understand there's a lot of venues to do business, because there is the net over social networking sites, but I think it's being resourceful and industrious with what you have.  I know an elder woman who runs her take-out restaurant at her home, and she's able to pay for her mortgage.

I've grown to realize with company is that, you have to be really skilled.  Because I came from a job interview, and I just threw everything there, and I was impressive, but at the end, she questioned my motives, am like, "Huh?"  So even there, it's not just financial, it's motives.

This world went down, because people don't know how to make money anymore.  The Jezebel selling with sex is still prevelant, but when there's too much weakness, it will negate people from having bright ideas.

I mean, everything is under the sun, and it's just finding things in their business terms, but am not altogether encouraged with how things go, I understand am over trained, but I was recently in a classroom, and there weren't too much bright ideas where the theory of the course was actually being put down by questions.

Giving up would be great, but I understand that I have to find the leader in me.  I have to lead, because there isn't much job security out there.  And if I fail big time, I go to the streets.

I've grown to understand that problems are man's best friends, but for me, it's still a problem.  And there are times when I want this disturbance away from me.  I always thought that I could control my destiny, and I was good at this when I was in highschool.  But when college came, and working at Xerox after graduation, I came to see that it's a day to day thing.  The control is not there that I find myself always praying.

Happiness is tough, because I want to do things which are more fun.  I bought two business books today at the mall, I have read the first one, but am having a hard time finishing it, because I think it's boring.  The second book is about the company Coca Cola, and I hope it'd be all right.

I understand that growth is important in life, because being stagnant in writing with my case can be very damaging.  I think what's hurtful is when you put a lump sum with your dealing in life.  Because at this point, I just really wanna do something.  I hate being idle, and being bored in life.

The problem with writing is that, I don't always have something to say.

Because I have the energy and time, and losing them both is hatred.

I know am never gonna know everything.  And I just have to learn to be happy with the little things.  Even if I only get a few audience, I would have to be happy for that.

Trilla.  I don't remember what happened throughout the day, I just feel that I went through so much.  I was so tired this morning to the point of begging sleep.  But I had to step it up, I was able to go shopping for gardening at Home Depot along with my mom, because she paid the bill, and I was able to do yard work.

Still questioning life, it's in a way where there's liberation in terms of what am going through, but am still finding my way through.  I remember asking a fella how he was doing, and he said, "Just happy to be alive."  And guess what, I just realized that right now, "Just happy to be alive."

Being thirty two is really different.  I didn't know life would be like this where it's not based on emotions or hype anymore.  At this point, it's just being healthy.

I'll still go at life with a hard working attitude, but I don't know what kinds of realizations am gonna encounter.  I think working hard is crucial, because it is demanded.  Nothing soft with the day where am really grieving at Wal-Mart's McDonald's.

My circle of people know that am a church goer mainly because am with them at church.

So what ends up happening with sermon lessons is that there's more motivation to read the Bible, mainly because it has so much relevance to our present time.

So this morning, I was on First and Second Timothy.  And the Word was a joy, because I carried it with me when I was going around the city.  The verse basically said, "Do not put your hope in wealth for it is uncertain, rather put it in God who gives enjoyment in everything."  I went with that notion today, and yes, I did enjoy my day.

What can I say with the day.  I've been trying to be British for the longest time now, and I understand that they're honest people, so liken to it, instead of saying "Oh God, what am I going through?"  I say, "This is daunting."  The day more than likely was messed up.  But I understand that we grow in bad times, I think they're a number of people who are some what familiar with my condition, with myself, I don't even know what it is, but if you look at my doctor's file, it's like the size of an encyclopedia.  So while playing volleyball today with NLCBC, I started having a quirky mind, so I started talking to God in prayer, and the thing was difficult that I was really frustrated in the change room while rehabbing myself.

By God's grace, I have a way to somewhat control the mind problem, but deep down, I keep thinking that things can be better (and that they will be better.)

I went off Brampton area, because I was looking for cold drink, and I ended up having an extra large smoothie at the Tim Horton's drive-thru.  And while all these snack-like activity, it loomed in my mind that I have to love God with my mind, Biblically, it's actually "all my mind".  Am doing that now, and am healed.  A lot can be said with my mind, because I have this Axl Rose lyrics, off November Rain, "I can finally rest my head just knowing that you're mine."  So for the longest time now, I've gone on a romance binge, and I've had intimate relationships, but "the head is never at rest."  So when I talk to my doctor, all the issues are concerning:  How's my concentration; How's my appetite...  Because health wise, I think my doctor knows me well.